You don't trust yourself because you've failed your inner self a lot of times.

You believe others are better than you.

You fail to understand everyone has their own unique strength and weaknesses.

You try to copy people you look up to.

The problem is —you think you can but haven't realized you can't.

Because you are not them. You are you.

So you:

• Fail

• Give up

• Become emotionally unstable.

Every time you listen to other people's opinions more than yours—

You throw away your potential.

You doubt. You criticize yourself non-stop. And feel like thrash.

It's painful to feel like you're worthless.

You become paralyzed by irrational fear.

Your mind always talks you down and convince you to never to do any hard work.

I know because I had OCD.

I used to think I was going to be murdered every time I go out.

Well it was a combination of bad mental health and unmanaged stress.

I was lost and consumed by self-loathing. Because I had friends who were not my friends.

I thought I was worthless and it costed me my confidence and self-trust.

That was 3 years ago.

But now I'm comfortable with rejection. I live daily with it.

I let go of my past mistakes. I re-built a new identity and that shift allowed me to see the world differently.

If you always feel worthless, dejected and can't seem to go out your own misery and lack self-trust.

Read the rest of this letter. I'll teach you exactly how I forgave myself and became confident in trusting in my self again.

First you need to understand the concept of learned helplessness, ingratitude, uncontrolled emotion, irrational fear and negativity bias.

1 ) What is learned Helplessness?

The matrix is not a joke.

It's merely a word use to describe how much the world is programmed to act in a certain way.

The reason why social media and the news is so addicting is because it feeds the fearful self (The amygdala part of the brain).

The pessimistic and cynical side of humans.

The reason why you're alive today thanks to your ancestors is also the reason why you will die without any glory or achievements in life.

If you are sharp enough to observe —everything is structured.

Everything is strategy if you look hard enough.

Coincidence is a word that's very tricky.

Yeah sure you can't actually control everything.

But hear me out.

From the moment you are born.

The moment you are about to enter school.

The friends you are going to choose, the college course you will take is determined by what kind of programming you were exposed to.

Many people live thinking they have no control over their life.

They believe they are at the mercy of fate.

This leads to a destructive state where the said person is never motivated to do anything because they have accepted change is not possible.

Animals that performed in the circus is a prime example of this statement.

If you leash an animal like an elephant since the moment it was born and you punish when it tries to break the leash or the pole that holds the leash - and make sure it understands it cannot get out by making the leash sturdy enough so it doesn't break.

Even in adult hood if you take away the leash of the animal the —animal that has been conditioned to never go away at the length of its leash will NEVER try to break the belief that it cannot go more than the length of the leash.

Imagine a puppy tied to a short rope in a yard since it was born. Every time it tugs too hard or tries to wander beyond the rope’s length, it gets a gentle but firm tug back or a scolding. The rope is strong, so the puppy learns it can’t break free. Over time, it stops trying, even when it grows into a big, strong dog. One day, you remove the rope entirely, but the dog still won’t venture beyond the small circle it’s used to. It believes it’s still tied, because that’s all it’s ever known. This is like learned helplessness; the animal internalizes the limits and stops trying to push past them, even when the barriers are gone.

Most people live like this.

They lean towards learned helplessness and causes them to distrust who they are.

Their character, virtue and beliefs became someone that doesn't know how to break the limits they've put upon themselves.

This happens because a person who has experienced a lot of traumatic situations that didn't allow them to do anything or if they did anything it backfired.

Like an animal leashed from the moment it was born.

People are leashed by factors they have no control over.

Most people are unaware of the invisible leash they have.

2) Ingratitude: The reason why a lot of people are entitled

Many children grow up to be entitled and bratty.

Solely because they've been spoiled with whatever they wanted.

A good parent is someone who is strict yet love like no other at the same time.

You must be able to control your emotions of ingratitude.

Kids grow up to be entitled if you never teach them how to be grateful and be alright with whatever is available.

If you have grown to have always been given what you wanted —chances are you are entitled.

Is that a bad thing? Yes because it will affect your mindset a lot.

Being entitled means feeling like you deserve the things you want solely because you "feel it" not because you worked hard to achieve and deserve it.

There is a big difference between reward and entitlement.

Many people overlook this observation.

3) Uncontrolled Emotion: Why you act out even if you don't want to.

A lot of people live with buried emotions inside their body.

And it comes out the least they wanted to be.

The reason why therapy exists is simple.

Even if a traumatic situation has been resolved many years ago. The effect in your unconscious or impulsive behavior is present.

But most therapy talk these days are sugar coated with lies and pills.

That's why most people are stuck in therapy.

Very few are able to handle the truth. Some cannot and become outraged.

So if you deem yourself to be emotional - do meditation. Learn to separate yourself from your emotions.

Because the more you are controlled by your emotions the more you will hate yourself non-stop.

• "Why did I act that way"?

• "Man that was so cringe"

• "I hate myself for saying that"

Save yourself from this self-imposed misery.

4) Broken Confidence

I never expected reading Korean manhwa similar to Japanese manga would give me this truth years ago.

Plenty of people are perfectly healthy when it comes to their physical health.

But when it comes to their mental health and self-esteem —somehow it's broken beyond repair.

When you were a child. You were always asking questions. You asked. You learned.

You were full of ambition and curiosity.

You wanted to learn a lot.

You asked good questions.

You asked stupid questions.

The problem is adults in your life don't know how to protect this natural confidence we have as children.

Worse they are the ones who destroy it.

They tell you to pursue something else even if you don't want to.

You follow it out of respect or because you have no choice.

Then when you follow it —you lose touch of your inner self. When you lose touch of your inner self you start losing a part of yourself that's genuine.

Then what happens?

You become a husk. A broken version of you. The one that's miserable and always unhappy.

Why? You betrayed yourself.

No —you were taught to betrayed yourself without your permission.

That's how f*cked up our lives can be.

Most turn a blind eye to this.

The other is your peers.

Your friends and people in your age are the most dangerous people to be around when you are young.

Not because of danger but because of how they can mold your beliefs, actions and attitude and life.

We humans are social creatures.

That means whatever other people think of us we will care whether we like it or not.

That also means if we see other people hating ourselves, sooner or later you will also hate yourself.

IDGAF won't save you.

Stoicism won't save you.

But avoiding these kinds of people will.

5) Broken Relationships

I've cut off a lot of people I thought were my friends but weren't.

I stopped talking to people who I realized were leeches.

And the worse part was the longing and sense of friendship that was missing.

I'm glad to have friends that have made my life better.

But the more I realize most people will never change the more I realize if I keep hanging out with certain people - sooner or later my life will get worse.

The other thing is break up.

The reason why break ups hurt a lot is because of the emotional investment and pain.

When you lose someone you truly loved and genuinely cared for —a part of yourself will die.

The emotions the other person made you feel will linger and it will feel like a bottomless pit of void.

And it's excruciating trying to deny these emotions.

Then after a certain period of time when you overcome these kinds of emotional turmoil in your life —a part of you will die. The memories you had with that person will also die.

It will come back to you once a while and will hurt a lot but sooner or later when you find someone else those emotions and memories will get replaced.

The reason why many people try to get someone fast after a break up is to fill up the void in their heart.

Not what the other person gave you but what you were lacking that you got from the other person.

Most people cannot tolerate being alone.

Not having a partner is like a life and death situation for most people especially in this generation.

You can blame romantic movies and cartoons for this if you're still young and feel so needed for a relationship. Though not really.

And when you are in your late 20's your biology is the one doing all the screaming.

The reason men who become better after a break up like getting in shape, becoming more confident and attractive is because it's similar to having someone you really love and care for die.

Like your parents, siblings or anyone in your family member you really love.

When you use that endless fuel of anger, love and despair you have inside yourself for a better future—the result is growth.

Also don't make this as an excuse to get into a relationship and feel those pain to use a fuel.

It's not a game.

I can also talk about your relationship your friends and family but I'll cut this part here.

Btw this letter is similar to "Why you hate yourself and (how to fix it)" if you'd like more advice in this angle go read that letter.

How to trust yourself again in 6 simple steps

Step 1: Never Brag

When you brag you make a responsibility to yourself to live up to what you said.

No matter what you do or say —your subconscious is listening.

The more you brag the more you will have to live up to the promises you made to yourself without commitment.

It's good to celebrate wins however bragging doesn't help and will make your life worse the longer you do it.

And also be humble not nice.

You must know your worth enough to know you are good enough but not too much that you'll carry what you cannot handle even if you think you can.

It's also a losers trait to brag without having any credibility and evidence to back it up.

If you are around people that always brag —it's time to find a better social circle.

Step 2: Build self-accountability

The reason why there are some people who achieve a lot of success in life is simple.

They relied on their selves more than anyone.

The phrase no one is coming to save you means

"No one will ever give you anything you wanted unless you yourself are capable of earning it so other people can see you are worth the time, emotion and money to be invested"

Before you blame other people.

Start by blaming yourself first.

Before you start to point fingers.

Start by pointing it to yourself.

No matter what you do you are responsible for your life.

It's luck that you've this long but that doesn't excuse the actions you will take in the future.

Self-accountability is a must.

Many people rely on school and their parents on what to do.

They are scared of getting a bad grade or disappointing their parents but they don't even realize the path and the conviction they have in themselves is more important.

If you struggle to be accountable you can ask me for personalize advice here.

All my results have been because I didn't rely on anyone.

I have failed around 3 times counting my first newsletter.

If I gave up I would not have around 800+ subscribers now.

This is all because I relied on myself.

I know how to be accountable and how to stick being accountable.

Step 3: WIN

Winning results to self-trust no matter how small the achievement.

The more results you can back yourself up with —the stronger you will rely on yourself.

The stronger you rely on yourself the stronger you will trust yourself.

A lot of people have been so comfortable that they haven't tasted what it's like to win for years.

Winning will give you a different world view.

When you start to win —you see opportunities that was once closed.

Because this time you realize you can do what you said you were going to do with effort and time.

Winning rewires your self-image.

You will start to act and think like winner.

The caveat is to never let ego get in the way.

But to control the amount of celebration you do with yourself in order not become arrogant and get so over yourself you forget where you came from.

You are human not a GOD.

That means you will fail and face setbacks.

The key is to be humble. To admit your mistakes and realize you can do better.

This is where most people fall.

Letting arrogance decide what you are going to do is foolish.

Being humble will save you.

Step 4: Own your mistakes

This week I made a fatal mistake.

And I have made a lot when I was younger.

But this time it was about a client I'm working with for an app marketing.

We have agreed on the terms already.

However due to my life circumstances I've had to negotiate for a change in the deal.

I didn't stick to my word this time.

And my very being was horrible. I couldn't sleep after it.

I won't tell you all the details.

But I'll tell you that I made the mistake.

 And I own that. Me apologizing was probably not enough.

But I won't run away from the fact I did a mistake.

If I do —I'll start to distrust myself.

And if you have made mistakes in the past before, don't run away from it.

• Take it.

• Confront it.

• Bear the responsibility.

That's the only way for you to not succumb to self-hatred.

You must own your mistake. Never point fingers to other people.

You will be disliked after making the mistake but you disliking yourself is far worse.

Own your mistakes. Embody it.

Don't ever run away from the voices criticizing you.

Learn from it.

Step 5: Build an Abundance Mindset

The loser mentality focuses on what they can't get.

The winners mentality focuses on what they can do.

The attitude you have with the world is important.

The more wary and anxious you are the more you will see problems.

But the more adventurous and excited you are the more you will see opportunities.

The difference between the scarcity mindset and the abundance mindset is simple.

The scarcity mindset thinks of everything it can lose.

It creates:

• Fear of the unknown.

• Reluctance leading to failure.

• Doubts creeping in your mind non-stop.

An anxious way to live that leads to a self-fulfilling prophecy.

The more you think of the things you can lose —the more you will lose.

That's how poisonous the scarcity mindset it.

When you fail —don't mourn over the fact you have failed.

Learn. Like what I told you in step 4.

The abundance mindset is different.

It realizes if there is something to lose then there is more to gain.

You have to open your mind with options.

It's hard to see at first but when you think deeply —you'll realize you have a choice.

To continue living anxiously or boldly.

I have lived my life full of fears and anxiety in the past. And I can tell you it was a sh*t experience.

I never want to go back in that state again.

And I don't want you to experience that process.

Step 6: Be comfortable losing

It's painful to lose but the more you try to sugar coat and say things that you know is a lie the more you will distrust yourself.

An essential life skill most people lack is getting used to not getting everything they want.

Most people are entitled nowadays and there are endless spoiled bratty kids in this generation.

These children will grow up to be childlike adults and realize they can't get everything they have.

And what do they do? They will blame the world.

Because they are so used to getting what they want they have failed to develop the skill of self-reliance and self-accountability.

You must become comfortable with losing.

You must realize aiming to win without losing first is delusional.

I failed my first newsletter.

The Improvement Letter is working only because I spent an entire year failing.

Losing is the greatest experience you'll have if you are humble enough to admit the mistakes you've made and learn from it.

Winners are just losers who tried again and again until they won.

Action Step: How to combine this all together.

I'd like to leave you with a simple framework for this weeks letter.

If you want to maximize your learnings here do this:

• Write down all the losses you've made in your life. This will hurt but it will hurt less because you know it's coming.

• Stop proving your worth to people who don't care about you. Stop being overly kind to people who are toxic.

• Take control of what your mind says. If it acts out and spirals out of emotional chaos take a deep breath and just listen to it play out. Don't deny or reject. Just listen.

• Be humble. If you lost admit you lost. If you win celebrate it but never let ego get in the way.

• Cut off people who make and think of yourself are a loser. It doesn't matter if their your friends. They're not worth it.

You must also follow the steps I've mentioned above.

I hope this letter was helpful. Don't just read but also apply the lessons here.

See you next week.

-Noat

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