This letter might seem insignificant when you read the title—but if you want to maintain peace in life, you need to know how to deal with people and determine if they're worth your time and energy (especially if you’re dealing with assholes).

Let's start.

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You cannot avoid assholes in life.

You will encounter them daily. Some are your friends, co-workers and even family.

In order to protect your peace of mind—you need to be ruthless about the people you hang out with.

There are social circles where someone is getting picked on and bullied verbally—yet the bullied person does not realize the people he/she hangs out with are as*holes not friends.

If you want to understand why some people are just pieces of sh*ts or straight up assholes—in this letter we'll dive deep into their psychology and mindset in this letter.

Today's letter doesn't have a solid structure but will contain the answers to why you keep getting picked on and bullied (if you are).

People Will Become The Problem If You Let Them

We live with liabilities and most liabilities are people we keep in with contact purely because its someone we know.

Here's a pattern I see all the time: people become the problem only if you allow them to become the problem. If you cut them off, call them out early and end the relationship—you'll stop them from becoming liabilities.

Friends who constantly belittle and make fun of your goals and interests should be cut off.

No talking, no saying good byes—just disappear. If they contact you - ignore them.

Insecure people are repulsive. They constantly make fun and attack other people so they can feel better.

They are constantly on guard and everything you say is wrong and they are right

Not because they want you to be shit—but because they want to numb themselves from the reality they are the sh*t person but doesn't have the courage to admit it—so instead of acknowledging they're the problem—they either suppress it or project it onto someone else (through verbal bullying).

They will go out of their way to humiliate you in social media and in social situations even if it takes effort.

Best to avoid and cut off completely. They’ll just become bigger liabilities.

These types of people are ruthless. If they see that they can push you around—they will keep pushing you around even if you end up broken in the process.

They will say it was just a joke or it wasn't on purpose but you know full well they were assholes who enjoyed it.

Avoid such people if you want to keep your sanity intact.

You might wish to harm and fight back—but you know you can't. Which leads to resentment and anger.

Just avoid them. Doesn't matter if you have to be alone.

Now let's talk about the common signs of someone being an asshole (also include signs of someone hating you).

1) Makes You Remember Your Cringe Memories

A simple way to tell if someone dislikes you: is they bring up past mistakes and accidents that you've done that are either cringe or sensitive.

They bring it up naturally and laugh like it's normal.

Good people do not do this.

This behavior is disgusting. People who show this kind of behavior are insecure people who hang out with other insecure people.

If you haven't noticed—losers will attack other losers below them to feel better (not always but common).

It's their way of getting confidence.

Some examples are:

• Saving your cringe memories in videos and photos and showing them to you when you see each other again

• Bringing up embarrassing moments in public with friends.

• Seeks attention by throwing insensitive comments when around other people.

Hate is subtle never direct.

Never reject what your instinct tells you because 90% of the time it's your higher self trying to warn you.

2) Exclusion

They talk to other people but when you talk to them they either give one word answers or don't even look at you.

Be it group meetings where you are treated like a ghost—an invisible creature whose opinions do not matter.

This is very common in girl groups. If you are a woman and you see that people around you are either jealous or have detected that something's wrong with them. Time to run away. Find 1 or 2 friends you can trust. Then hang out with them.

No need to be friends with everyone. Just get along or pretend to get along.

The same advice goes for men.

3) Makes You The Center of Attention to Be Dissed

A*sholes will not hold back in making you look stupid or bad in front of other people.

They will especially do this in front of someone you like or around friends you care about.

In any case this is a good way to tell if the people you hang out with are good friends.

If they join dissing you—cut them off. If they stay silent or call them out either the moment they diss you or in private—that's a real homie.

On another note dissing isn't ultimately bad. It can reveal your weaknesses that a friend has noticed. But of course not in a way that's insulting but can sometimes be interpreted as an insult even if the intent was to help not to harm.

Some friends do it out of fun but if it keeps happening over and over again and the comments become way too sensitive—that's not a friend.

That's an enemy disguised as a friend.

A good joke is harmless. A bad joke is an insult in disguise.

4) Avoid People Who Like Attention

Attention seeking behavior correlates with narcissism and narcissistic behaviors are toxic.

The guys and gals who do this have terrible mental health. And in order to feel okay about who they are as a person—they use attention and validation they get from other people to numb themselves.

Even if it means hurting your feelings they will attack you and make it come off as a joke.

People who do this are attention whore's.

And whore's do not stop with one. They will keep attacking and attacking until you break down.

They will feel overjoyed the moment they see you being sad.

Such people can be called evil—although they themselves do not realize they are hurting you.

Envy is dangerous.

You must learn how to hide your talents and not shine too much, for it is tempting in the eyes of other people to crush and destroy you.

You must learn to be humble and show mistakes.

Being too perfect is dangerous.

If you want to learn how to dominate social situations get the: The Illimitable Men Audiobook (26.5 Hours of Narration)

This one opened my eyes to why people would attack you for no reason and how to defend effectively without looking like you're being defensive and making the attacker look like the a*shole.

5) Backhanded Compliments

Another behavior you should notice that's similar to backhanded compliments is when you tell people about your wins and they tell you a much bigger win.

And in the process they diss you win and acknowledge theirs as the superior one.

9 out of 10 times a person who dislike you cannot hide their displeasure when you share a good news. A good shit test share a terrible made up mistake (not real)—if you noticed they smiled for a bit you know something is off. But if they frown or get sad—you know they are concerned.

A lot of self-esteem and confidence gets destroyed not from yourself—but from the way people treat you.

Let's talk about that.

6) Mistreatment and It's Effects On Behavior

You are not a robot. How people treat you will show in your body language.

You cannot take it—like "oh this won't affect me" or "nah I'll be fine" which is BS.

You are human and how you are treated gets replayed in your brain.

When people treat you badly—whether they ignore you, mock you, use you, or constantly criticize you—it destroys pieces of you inside if you let it.

You start questioning your worth, even though deep down you know you shouldn’t.

You replay their words and actions in your head at night, wondering, “What’s wrong with me?” And slowly, your mind starts to drift and confirms what they are saying to you is true even if it was not.

The words they use to bully you becomes your identity. You start to act what they say about you is true even if you refuse to acknowledge it.

Self-image is the prime indicator of behavior. How you view yourself is how you will act and behave.

If you’re surrounded by people who always belittle you—your brain starts to normalize it. It stops feeling like mistreatment and starts feeling like reality.

Their words become gospel.

What they say becomes true even if its not.

What they say you act out of habit because it's become so automatic since they repeat everyday.

It teaches you to settle. The more you put up with bad treatment, the more you start to think it’s all you’ll ever get.

You start to convince yourself you don't deserve better.

You begin to shrink, play small, silence yourself just to avoid more pain.

And when that happens its your fault not theirs.

A*sholes do not change.

Its your job to cut them off completely and never hang out with them again.

Every time you allow someone to treat you like trash, you allow them to decide who you are as a person instead of you making the change.

People will treat you badly for as long as you let them. The moment you stop tolerating it—the moment you decide, “I’d rather be alone than disrespected”—is the moment your self-esteem starts to rebuild itself.

I see this all the time. Especially to people who are at the lowest of social status

We have social hierarchy's in life.

A common example is high school or uni.

There are popular kids and people who dominate the class at the top.

They are usually frat boys or the ones who are usually called alpha. Charismatic and witty. The guys who are extroverted and can talk to anyone.

They dominate the social circle not by force but by their social intelligence.

And the losers are found at the bottom.

Girls dislike them—teachers pick on them as the bad example and their own friends are their no.1 bully.

I won't talk about this in this letter since it's not the focus. But if you're interested in dissecting hidden social hierarchies in life reply, "dissect" and I'll talk about it (If I get 5 replies I'll make a letter about this)

Let's now talk about how you can invest in your relationships.

How To Create Great Relationships

And I don't mean just romantic ones. Friendship, business partners etc…

1) Shit test them

Testing people for their loyalty and trustworthiness is a good indicator whether the people around you are worthy or not.

Too many people are afraid of losing friends. So instead of losing a failing relationship—they lose their self-esteem and self-confidence.

People are actors.

You can never know who's being fake or being genuine unless you test them.

A good test I've discovered is to: tell them a fake secret you have. The secret must not be controversial or something that can make people hate you.

Create a fake secret and share it with them. Then watch what they do—did they tell other people about it? Did they keep it to themselves?

It's such a simple test yet 9 out of 10 your so called friends will fail.

Integrity is a the cornerstone of great relationships. Those who can keep their mouth shut about things they shouldn't talk about have great self-control.

And when they have great self-control—they are less likely to make mistakes.

2) Be Honest

Strong connections aren't built by time spent together.

But from the intensity of experiences and memories shared together.

You don't have to do this to everyone but to the people you are willing to invest on. You should be readily available to lose them the moment you want a serious relationship or friendship.

Lying about how you think about each other will only make your relationship worse.

It breeds contempt, fake friendliness and betrayal.

It's best to be honest with someone early than to find out later they were fake friends.

If they don't reciprocate then you can just leave them alone. If they do—keep trying because you might find a friend for life.

When you're being honest make sure you talk like a civilized adult.

Don't be an asshole where you diss your friend completely. Share your opinions honestly but with respect.

3) Find High Agency People-

People like to throw around the word "High Agency" as if they understand it.

In any case high agency is: Drive, commitment, high ambition, disciplined and disagreeableness.

People who are high agency need little to no supervision when doing something.

High agency people include:

• Keeping promises

• Have personal values and laws they follow

• Consistency with words and actions

When something goes wrong they solve it. If they cannot do it themselves - they ask for help.

They don't blame and point fingers.

They work together with other people, have clear boundaries and are flexible as long as it's reasonable.

Being friends with drunkards and addicts will also turn you into one.

People who have big dreams and ambition in life don't need superficial things.

Find high quality people and your life will get better. However before you can be friends with high quality people—you also need to turn yourself into a high quality person.

If they are useful and you are useless—you will get ignored.

Value is 2 way exchange. If one person does all the lifting alone—it won't work out.

That's all for this week.

See next time

-Noat

Let me know if you want me to tackle about social skills next time.

If you want to get to the next level check out:

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• The Illimitable Men Audiobook (26.5 Hours of Narration) Learn how to become a top tier man that commands respect, understand women and never get used by other people again. In this Audiobook you will learn how to play social games and win “If you hate yourself or do not value yourself, it’s because you’ve not given yourself a reason to value yourself. We don’t just disrespect others who are low value, we disrespect ourselves for it too” a quote from the audiobook.

Before you leave, how did you normally deal with assholes?