There are 2 types of people in this world.

Those who get lost in what they want.

and those who get what they want.

Let's call the first guy "John".

John wakes up with ambition. He is energetic and playful.

He calls everyone his friend and is happy to be nice to people.

He is open to everyone's problems and bears their vulnerability by listening to them vent.

He listens to everyone's advice and follows them. He goes to school, becomes the bigger person when someone insults him and laughs it off.

He shoulders his friends problems like it's his own. He tells people his goals and let's people know about his dreams in life.

But John doesn't realize that people around him doesn't feel the same.

He doesn't understand not all people are like him. That most people are simply not worth his time. That most of the friends he calls his friend aren't really his friend.

They like to have "John" around because he's useful. Not because they respect or love John.

John loves people yet only so few truly appreciate his kindness.

And when John needs help —no one is willing to raise their hand.

Then there's "Leo".

He's your typical introvert guy. Always reads books and tends to be alone.

Most of the time he's silent. But he can talk to anyone he wants to.

People respect "Leo". Not because he's scary or dominant but because he has clear boundaries.

Leo doesn't allow disrespect. He calls out people when they behave badly and let's them know it's unacceptable.

Some people hate Leo but most of them respect him. He helps people but not too much.

He allows them to grow in their own way. He doesn't spoon feed them with unending help. He allows them to make mistakes they can learn from and steps in when they're about to to do something that causes irreversible damage.

He doesn't tolerate inadequacy and makes sure his friends knows that he expects them to do better and improve.

Not because of competition —but because "Leo" knows they are capable of more and growth is possible.

We are both Leo and John.

Like John, told to always follow rules —like NPC's.

• You are forced to do something you hate.

• You are forced to become a doctor when you want to be an artist.

• You are forced to be a lawyers when you want to be a singer.

• You are forced to be friends with people you hate.

Forced to be someone who you are not.

It's an unending pool of lies ingrained in your being. This force existence buries your true self.

And deep into your mind —you know it's wrong.

You know there's a side of you that's "Leo"

You know deep down you don't tolerate low qualities in yourself.

You know you could be better. Your mind knows that change is possible.

But the "John" in us keeps us stranded. Keeps us stuck.

In this letter, we’ll talk about why people abandon their dreams—trapped by incongruence, indecision, and fleeting pleasures and how you can build the self-reliance, like Leo’s, to break free and achieve what truly matters to you.

The typical life of an adult.

When you hit the ages of 18-20 as an adult. You are now forced to feed yourself.

Now your Father and Mother are no longer obliged in helping you survive.

They can still help you but most of them will kick you out of their house (true in western countries).

They want you to improve and do better. But their method is inefficient.

The same goes to how most adults grow.

They are taught how to survive not how to thrive. And this is the exact reason why most people are depressed and find life meaningless.

They lack guidance and direction. They don't know what to do.

Of course they didn't wish for it. But what can you do? other than adapt and survive.

Let's first talk about the 3 reasons why people stop chasing their dreams.

1) Incongruence: Forced to be someone who you are not.

• You are nice to people you hate.

• You rationalize that it's better this way.

• You tend to overthink about why you regret certain actions.

We've got our own original ideas and when we say it —only a few will understand.

Forcing yourself to be what your parents, friends and society wants you to be —results to frustration and anger.

This is why most people are miserable.

They stick to working jobs they hate in order to impress their peers (or to survive). Buying lavish gifts in order to impress people that don't care about them.

We are ironic. We are fragile beings. We seek what we don't have and lose interest in it after we get it.

It's a paradoxical metric that we live in.

Not only this makes us lose track of who we are as a person. We also become an entirely different person —unable to be happy due to how much we've neglected ourselves.

2) Indecision: Going with the flow instead of leading.

Following the crowd has and will always lead to average results.

You cannot lie to yourself and say "I'll get something different" when the path you're walking on is walked by the masses.

It is no coincidence that those who lead people —win and thrive.

The stronger the value you are able to provide to those around you —the greater the rewards and appreciation you'll receive.

Those who follow will get the same pie. Those who lead will get the whole pizza.

Your self-reliance must be higher or proportional to the duty you are able to give back to those who have cared for you in the past.

It is in this reason indecision holds you back. Always overthinking everything will make you waste time and lose zest (mental energy).

This is what the western parents want their children to learn. They kick them out of the house so they'll be able to build self-reliance.

So they can survive on their own, but like I said this method is inefficient.

You can do something much better than getting kicked out and losing all the necessary basic needs you need (and I really hope you don't get kicked out).

Indecisions stops you from making progress. It's like ADHD —paralyzed by too much analysis.

Always overthinking the gain and loss subconsciously. People who are good at analysis suffer from this.

3) Instant Gratification Activities: It feels good today but the future consequences are not.

I've had numerous bad habits in my life. I've had a sweet tooth.

I've been a lazy dude. I've had days in my life where the only productive thing I did in my life was doing house chores.

I've called myself a "true gamer" because I play in PC not in phone.

The life I had was miserable. I felt good scrolling, laughing at memes and watching Minecraft 100 days videos.

I felt good in the moment. But the next day, the next week, the next month —I saw my weight piling up, my to do list never once checked and my face being groggy and tired.

I felt horrible. I'd have so many dreams and plans on what to do with my life but the next day and I'd be there wasting time.

And that's because of instant gratification.

It's a trap and bait that makes you feel like you're doing well but in reality not.

It surges your mind with dopamine and the reward system overloads triggering the lie of hard work while you never actually put in the work.

Back when technology wasn't too advanced. The only way for people to get high dopamine was through reading fiction and playing outside their homes.

Kids would go outside of their home and go back when the sun is setting.

Adults would spend hours reading newspapers and fiction.

Some called this bad. But even then this is a much healthier alternative than scrolling endlessly.

You must disallow this type of habits to stop infecting your mind and life.

You've got to take control and eliminate this infectious activates that derails your ambition and mindset.

In that way you are able to taste what is called progress through hard work. Because when you do —you'll work harder when you realize how much life rewards those who act and move.

Now let's move on to our core topic.

Let's determine what it takes to build self-reliance (and not get kicked out by your parents).

How to build self-reliance. The foundation to achieving anything great in life.

Before I start this block of text. I'll be blunt.

No tricks and strategies will instantly make you productive 24/7. No pomodoro technique or productivity hacks will save you if you have bad mental health or no purpose in life (lacking direction).

Tips and tricks work when you're building momentum.

The way to never burn out and keep going when your body and mind is screaming to quit —is to be brutally honest about what you want and the life you'd hate living.

And to align your actions and behavior with your goals.

Without a goal —you're walking the path of destruction. And with a goal —you're walking the path of creation.

Guidance is necessary. Direction is a must.

Let's get started. Here's 4 ways to build self-reliance.

1). Understand yourself.

The idea of just be yourself is flawed without introspection.

Because "just be yourself" is not specific. It has no limitations or restraints. It is undefined and cluttered.

If you tell yourself "I'm Don Juan" are you really him? If you tell yourself "I'm Aristotle" are you really him?

This is what most people get wrong. Thinking who they are is what people think who they are not what is real but what is perceived. (please re-read if this was hard to understand). This is called the Cooley's theory of looking glass self.

Acting out of impulse, following conformity to avoid judgement.

If you are serious on the path of self-improvement. Let me tell you a truth —you will piss off a lot of people when they realize you've grown to be better than them.

These are the moments you'll have to remember your inner most self. The core inside you.

Who you've built and what you've accomplished. This is why in the previous letter I talked about avoiding low quality people.

There are also those who will be happy about your growth. Treasure them.

So how do you know yourself?

Let's use SWOT analysis. (SWOT stands for; Strength, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats.)

Strength: What is your natural cognitive inclination? Is it bodily? Analytical? Logical? Socially? Emotional? There are different types of intelligence. Academic performance is not the only metric of intelligence.

Weaknesses: What do you notice you're not good at or a specific pillar of life you haven't learned how to do properly? Personally I've struggled with connecting ideas. I've struggled to see nuance from different topics before. I fixed this by reading books.

Opportunities: What can you improve? Now that you've understand your strength and weaknesses. What can you eliminate to improve? What can you double down to increase your skill mastery? This can only be answered by you. Turning your strength and weaknesses into opportunities to getting better is called growth.

Threats: What external or internal factors can negatively impact you as a person? This can be negative people, watching sensitive content online such as violence and aggression. Or it could be internal(your mind) like —self-sabotage, negative beliefs and low self-esteem.

Understanding yourself takes time. But every ounce of effort you put is 100% worth it.

2). Stress management.

You can't avoid problems in life.

The more you reject it's existence —the bigger the damage dealt.

Most problems help you improve your character because it disallows you to stay the same.

Problem is the enemy of comfort.

You cannot stay still when you or your family is in a life and d*ath situation.

You will be forced to act even if you don't want to.

You will act unconsciously.

Most people live their day to day life similar to a warzone.

Too stressful to care about themselves. Too much going on unable to see they need rest.

Simple day to day activities becomes their life and d*ath situation. Deadlines, unmanaged ambition, projects, assignments, children making public tantrums etc..

I've seen people who work till they're body collapse and still say they're fine.

Bro chill… You need rest. That's normal.

You're human not a machine. You cannot work 24/7.

You need rest and sleep.

And most people can't sleep because of stress overload).

That's why most people resort to vices and bad habits. Trying to subdue the pain by using a pain killer that doesn't work.

The pain is numbed but the damage is still present. Thus the start of an addiction.

So how do we do stress management?

2 things. Physical and mental exercises.

Physical: Your body is a fortress. The more you fortify by giving it the right nutrients, right workout and right maintenance (sleep) the stronger it's resistance to stress. Be it physical or mental. This is why body building is so popular to men. The underlying problem it solves is stress management. Men lift to manage stress. The effort and force of lifting weights takes out a lot of stress.

Get active.

You have to put your body under voluntary stress. You cannot expect to manage stress effectively when your body is screaming to get fixed.

The more you voluntarily accept pain from working out —the stronger your resistance to stress.

Mental: If the body is the fortress then the mind is the ruler that controls the fortress. Your mind needs maintenance too. And this is done by accepting stress from parts of yourself that you've completely neglected.

Practice detaching to your worries by either taking a walk or traveling.

You need to allow yourself to take a break at least 10-30 minutes a day. Your brain doesn't function like a machine.

The brain overheats when there's no outlet. And the body breaks down when at rest. (similar to iron rusting).

3). Social Circle

People around you matters.

If you've got friends that call you a loser and undermines your achievement then you are likely to become and act like a loser.

The same goes to your self-esteem.

If people around you constantly criticize whatever you do and make a small problem turn into a big problem —you're in bad company.

Cut off toxic friends and people. Cut off anyone that causes you trouble.

Be unapologetic about saving your mental resources (energy) and give it only to people who deserve it.

You have limits. You cannot always be the bigger person and always tolerate disrespect.

People who've got nothing better to do than create drama out of nothing are not worth your time.

You do not have the responsibility to entertain their boredom.

You do not have the responsibility to help them when all they do is cause you damage.

It's painful. I know.

I've had friends who I thought were best buds. Only to realize there were bullies disguised as friends.

Sensitive comments, personal attacks disguised as humor..

Your task is to minimize and possibly eliminate any influence from these kinds of people.

You must hold yourself to a higher standard and those around you.

If you want to grow —people around you also needs to grow. There must be positive influence.

A social energy that's contagious. Friends who push each other to their limits and overcome them.

Because staying stuck to low quality people will damage your vision, creativity and quality of work.

They'll hold you back, call you names so you don't outcompete them and give you problems left and right.

Not worth it.

Get a friend that's happy with your progress instead. These kinds of people are high quality.

You won't see each other often but when you do —the experience is worth it and you'll always look forward to meeting them.

4). Influence

Your mental diet is important.

You need reminders and knowledge. Like protein to build muscle.

The quality of information you consume will correlate directly to how actionable or how true it is to day to day experiences.

It is no accident that if you read 5 books about how to make friends —you will certainly make friends.

The same philosophy can be applied to self-reliance.

If you keep consuming knowledge that will help you remember to keep building skills and accountability —you will naturally experience alignment.

And that means sticking to your goals while progressively increasing your input (work ethic) over time.

If you feel like you've been slacking off lately —watch videos, read books/articles/newsletters about self-improvement.

This will remind you of what your future self can possibly become (your innate potential).

You have to actively put fuel into your ambition. That means actively seeking knowledge that is useful and gives clarity on how to solve your current problems.

Because a fire dies when there's no fuel. A car runs out of gasoline if it doesn't get fuel.

Not all knowledge is equal but all knowledge serves it's purpose.

Remind yourself daily of your potential. Consume quality information everyday.

That's how you start winning.

I'll end it here.

I hope this letter helps you out. And see you next week.

Thanks for reading

-Noat