You know those people? The ones who make drama and play games?

The ones who try to sabotage you so they feel like they’re winning?

Yeah those kinds of people.

It could be Jaime or Samantha from work.

Well today I’ll teach you how to deal with them.

Nothing too fancy but just subtle techniques that work when people try to shark around.

1) Pretend Ignorance

When you receive insults or mean comments—don’t react or say anything. Just look at them—stare at least 3-5 seconds then say nothing.

Then when they start to repeat the insult—say nothing again.

Most of the times silence is a weapon. And it’s a weapon many people cannot stand.

The pressure to fill the room with noise and words is excruciating. This skill requires patience and composure.

If you’re a reactive person it will not work.

This only works when you are able to stand your ground and portray zero yes zero emotions on your body and face.

When people realize they can’t get any reaction out of you—they will stop picking on you.

And no it’s not manipulation because you are not the one attacking here. You are defending yourself from insults and mean comments.

Because bullies like those who wail and make noises that smoothers their ego.

The boss who likes to throw mean comments and does passive aggressive behavior is someone who needs to constantly validate their ego.

And to note—when the situation gets tense, like after you look at them with a blank stare just say “Okay”.

This is called frame control. When you control your reactions and response to the other person you control the outcome.

This requires: Emotional discipline, high self-esteem and impulse control.

It’s part of improving yourself when it comes to dealing with emotions and people.

What is emotional discipline?

Emotional discipline is being aware of what you are feeling and not acting it out despite feeling like you want to punch someone.

It’s the ability to hold yourself accountable and not do anything stupid while the emotions inside you are boiling like a storm.

It’s being able to smile while your angry. It’s being able to stay calm despite wanting to shout.

It’s a skill many men lack.

And this is partly due to inflation, hot weather and bad living circumstances. Aka stress.

If you want to be socially effective you need emotional discipline.

What about high self-esteem?

It’s self-explanatory but I’ll give you the psychology behind it.

When people do not trust themselves—they look for other people’s opinions and comments.

They will trust other people’s judgement but not their own.

However when you have high self-esteem—even if a group disses you or tries to insult you one by one—you will remain grounded and 90% unaffected.

That is because you know yourself deeply. You know your weaknesses. You know your strengths.

And you know if someone is spouting BS.

Many people lack self-esteem and because they lack it—they are unable to trust their own judgements and decisions.

That’s why kids who get bullied continue to get bullied because no one’s helping them and because no one’s helping them they think it’s alright.

And it’s not. So the cycle repeats.

2) No contact or low exposure

Dealing with problematic people is simple.

Cut them off and never talk to them again.

That’s the ideal situation but life is rarely that way.

Let’s say the person you have a problem dealing with is your boss.

Can you cut him off? Absolutely not.

So what should you do instead?

This: Only talk and approach your boss if necessary. Do not do small talk. Do not do anything that doesn’t help.

Greet them but don’t stay around.

Understand that: The more you speak and exposed yourself to the problematic person—the more likely you are to make a mistake.

That’s why minimizing your exposure works best.

But if they’re just your friends or someone you don’t have an obligation to see—just cut them off.

No goodbyes. Nothing.

And much better find a job that allows you to breathe. Not walk on eggshells.

3) Control Your Words

What comes out of your words must be short, concise and useful.

I’m always flabbergasted by how so many people run their mouths not realizing they are making problems and enemies.

Adulthood is a cruel place.

You got man-child’s, Amanda’s fragile ego that needs constant praise and unreasonable people you have to deal with.

That is why knowing how to hold your mouth is a skill.

You should not speak just because you want to.

You should speak because you have to.

Being quiet is a skill.

It’s something you have to note.

When dealing with problematic people—only say what is necessary and stop there. Don’t add anything.

When dealing with people you are close with like your Mother or Father or your siblings—then you can talk a lot.

But outside of family matters do not think everyone is friendly.

Most of the time they are not. Unless you are lucky to find a person with high integrity which is rare.

4) Stay composed

When people throw you off—they are expecting you to break and make mistakes. They want reactions from you.

Do not give them what they want.

Because once they do instead of feeling like a winner. They will punish you more.

When this happens take a deep breath and calm down. Showing your emotions will only cause problems.

No need to dig your own grave.

So be wise and practice composure like I’ve been saying.

I know it’s hardly your fault when you deal with problematic people, however if you want to maximize your quality of life you should be able to deal with people effectively.

Social skills is a pillar of self-improvement. You must learn and have some mastery your social skills.

You’ll find it most useful in family matters, work place and getting opportunities.

To practice composure do this: Action Step

• First understand what makes you irk. What is it that throws you off balance?. Then understand why? What is it that makes you emotional;? When you understand the reason that makes you lose control of yourself you are able to mitigate the damage and be aware of what you are about to do is not worth it.

• Practice meditation. By far the oldest and most ancient solution is mindfulness. Do not think it doesn’t help because it does. Mindfulness allows you to be conscious of what you are going to say, how you are going to say it and what tone you are going to say it with.

• Avoid rage bait content, emotional people and get off screen more. When you live in the digital world its easy to get anxious and angry. So many people are irritated and angry for no reason because all they consume is rage bait. Don’t be one of them.

That’ all for this week. Hope you like practical letters like this. Let me know by either replying or hitting the yes button in the poll below.

See you next time.

-Noat

If you want to master your social skills and deal with people effectively at a much higher caliber - say getting elite social skills check out: The Illimitable Men Audiobook (26.5 Hours of Narration) Learn how to become a top tier man that commands respect, understands women and never gets used by other people again. In this Audiobook you will learn how to play social games and win. “If you hate yourself or do not value yourself, it’s because you’ve not given yourself a reason to value yourself. We don’t just disrespect others who are low value, we disrespect ourselves for it too” a quote from the audiobook.

It’s certainly helped me a lot.

Good luck