Last year approximately 13 months have passed since my friend committed suic*de.

At the time I didn’t know what to feel.

Whether to be angry at how he threw away his life or be sad that he’s gone.

I always noticed something was going on. But didn’t get to the bottom about it.

So in this letter I’ll tell you what happens after you die.

This is not supposed to be practical but a life opening letter (this point of view is with suic*de not natural death and my experience)

Day 1 after your death

Your dead.

Nobody knows you’re dead except GOD.

Day 1-4

The news hit

Your family discovers your body

Your friends and family cattle with chaos.

Your families mind is in shambles. They never expected you to die so early.

There’s rumors going around you killed yourself.

There’s rumors you aren’t dead yet.

The family who know your dead hasn’t told anyone yet.

They’re busy processing what happened.

No one’s grounded with reality yet.

Everyone’s memories and emotions surge inside them.

They remember the good memories, reminisce about the past and feel pain that they will never be able to share that feeling again.

Everyone’s panicking,

The family struggles to decide who they should tell first.

Day 5-6

The family matters have been decided.

The casket is ready, the date for the funeral is ready, your family starts spreading the news about your death.

Some of your friends get the message first.

You get a message something happened about your friend.

You don’t know if it’s a joke or not.

You don’t know whether to believe or not.

The pain of uncertainty lingers in your mind. You want to know what happened with your friend but can’t yet.

You don’t know what to feel- your mind can’t focus and it’s busy trying to rationalize the worst hasn’t happened yet.

Day 7-10

Friends visit your dead body.

More and more know about your death.

Some come to pay their respects.

Some come to cry and tell about how a good person you were.

You receive your first flowers but can’t smell or appreciate them because your dead.

Day 10-15

More people come.

Your family members tell tales about your accomplishments, how good a person you were and how you were like to them.

Some want to blame themselves as the cause of your unaliving yourself

Day 15-20+

It’s the day of your funeral.

People come.

A lot of people came you’ve never really talked much or known a lot.

Your close friends come.

They refuse to believe your dead.

They refuse to accept that you’re gone.

Your family cries as they bring your casket outside the house.

As your family and friends march to the cemetery, most cry and don’t hold their tears.

Some come out of social obligation.

Some talk about how you were like to them, and how good of a friend you was.

As your body gets buried deep inside the ground - some burst out crying out loud.

You start to see who really cared about you.

Who really wanted you to live and see your future.

Which friend or family really cared the most about you.

The atmosphere is bleak and dark.

Only children are laughing for their innocence.

Some smile but can’t hide the pain.

As the casket carrying your body gets buried deep inside and people start to move and head home.

A friend bursts out crying.

Telling you: “why didn’t you just call me”, “why?”

“You could’ve just told me about your situation”

“You could’ve, at least…..”

I wish he had too.

I wish he had contacted us before he decided to unalive himself.

But we can’t.

We do not have powers to bring back the dead nor reverse time.

2-6+ Months later

Some people already forgot you died.

A few close friends who cared about you still visit your grave.

Wishing you were alive.

Some friends come to settle their emotional turbulence they had with you at the past.

Life moves on.

You’re dead and your family lives.

The effect is there.

You’re gone and people miss you.

Some have forgotten but people close to you remember you.

Sometimes people imagine what you could’ve been in the future.

Every time they remember you. they feel pain in their chest.

Like a suffocation that reminded their time with you.

Some smile because they met you.

Some still cry because they didn’t want you gone.

Life moves on.

Life still continues.

after you die, people will just move on.

And the world will continue to spin.

Rest in peace friend.

Lessons

I hope as you read this letter and have a friend who is in a similar situation - reach out to them and talk.

You don’t have to do anything grand.

Just by talking is enough.

People do care about you.

You just need to let them know you’re having trouble and feeling overwhelmed.

They won’t be able to talk to you when you’re dead.

At least try one more time.

And if you are having thoughts like this - just delay it.

You’ve delayed things a lot.

You can delay a thing like this.

You might just find the will to live.

Don’t waste it. Live your life fully.

Go out more and experience life.

That’s all

See you next time

-Noat

PS: My advice. If you feel like giving up and hopeless don’t do it. The reason you feel overwhelmed is because you’re taking it all alone. Talk to your family and close friends. You need to let out something if it feels too much. Just learn how to. Even talking to a stranger about it can help. Your mind will convince you it’s the only way out and it’s wrong. You have time. And you always have a chance.

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