Imagine you go inside a room.

People are laughing loud, groups are locked in conversation. You tell yourself, “Just act normal.” But the second you step inside, it feels like every eye is on you.

You don’t know where to stand, so you grab a drink you don’t even want—just to keep your hands busy.

You scroll your phone, pretending to text, hoping it makes you look less awkward.

Your chest tightens.

Meanwhile, everyone else seems free—confident, relaxed, feeling at home in their skin. And you? You’re trapped inside your head, in a cage no one else can see.

Then you make the decision to join but your mind whispers,

“Don’t say something dumb. Don’t embarrass yourself. Just stay quiet.”

Your palm starts to sweat. Your body language starts to become awkward.

You want to join the conversation but you convince yourself its not worth it.

Afraid to be seen. Afraid to talk to people.

Most men today struggle with self-esteem and confidence—not because they’re doomed by genetics or “just shy,” but because they’ve trained themselves to believe they’re weak.

And when you believe you’re weak, you’ll act and think like a weak person.

The problem is simple—low self-esteem kills confidence. If you see yourself as unworthy, incompetent, or “not enough,” every action reinforces that belief.

You compare yourself to richer, fitter, more charismatic men.

You rely on external validation, porn, or distractions instead of building tough skin.

As a result you stay stuck—weak and incompetent.

Think about it—how many opportunities have you missed because you didn’t believe in yourself?

• How many women did you let pass because you were too scared to speak?

• How many times did you back down when you knew you could’ve stepped up?

Every time you let fear or laziness win—you reinforce the identity of weakness. That cycle only digs the hole deeper.

Confidence is simple—but not easy. It comes from fixing your self-esteem. When you work hard, stay disciplined, and confront your fears and when you finally start to respect yourself.

That respect builds self-esteem. And once you have self-esteem, confidence flows naturally.

And that's the goal of today's letter.

So you can finally talk to that girl you like or become like "that guy" (as most men refer to a charismatic guy).

It's been a while since I talked about social skills. So today let's tackle about how self-esteem affects your self-confidence.

Today's letter will be practical as well. It will be straight to the point and not philosophical.

How Self-Esteem Works

Self-esteem is how you value yourself.

How much you know about your worth and how willing you are to defend it.

Many men let other men and women walk all over them. They say yes to unreasonable requests and fine being seen as convenient.

When you follow other people and neglect who you are as a person—you betray yourself. And when you betray yourself—-you lose self-respect.

Many of you can't even sit alone with your thoughts. And as a result you've built up a coping mechanism to deny and reject what's real.

Because of that—you can't be comfortable with your own thoughts.

Which leads to bad identity and overthinking (like chronic social anxiety).

The first step to recognizing you have low self-esteem to is to look at the how you talk to yourself:

• Do you constantly criticize yourself?

• Do you make everything your fault?

• Do you take every responsibility even if you don't have to?

Personally—I'm confident as fuck.

I can talk to anyone—be it a pretty girl or someone who looks intimidating.

I'm not arrogant or full of ego—it's because I trust myself and have fixed my low self-esteem.

I wasn't always like this. I just fixed myself with enough drive to make sure I wouldn't stay weak—because being fat and unconfident fucking sucks.

And when I fixed my self-esteem most of my negative self-talk vanished.

We get over 70,000 thoughts per day and most people suffer because 80-90% of it is self-criticism.

Do you get what I mean?

How are you supposed to fix your low self-esteem when you can't stop criticizing yourself?

That's why the first step is to be aware and live in the present.

You must learn to stop being wishy washy about everything and make it look like you're responsible for every wrong doing even if you know full well it wasn't you.

In other words you got to learn from your mistakes not blame yourself for it.

Now that you understand how self-esteem works. Let's talk about why people struggle to fix their low self-esteem.

1) Valuing External Validation—

Men seek status, money, attractiveness, women and approval for social validation.

But most people's standards are too high.

When you don't measure up to this unrealistic standards you will start to think: "I'm not enough" , "I'll never be enough" which leads to "I'm a failure".

Instead of building genuine self-respect through discipline, competence, and resilience, many men chase shortcuts (comfort, distractions, or pretending to be confident) that makes your self-confidence worse in the long run.

Chasing superficial things—will get you superficial results.

If you don't understand read this letter: 10 Brutal Truths Men Learn Too Late in Life where I talk about how having weak motivation or reason to pursue something results to a weak discipline and drive.

Being motivated by praise or validation from other people is fickle. It will break once people stop supporting you.

Lack Of Consistency-

Another common reason why most people lack self-esteem is they can't be consistent.

When you aren't consistent you don't trust yourself.

Men who've never done anything for a year or month straight without wishing for results are weak.

They haven't learned how results come with time. And that's why bodybuilding is a prime motivator for getting self-confidence.

Because working out teaches to overcome pain while waiting for weeks and months to see results. You got to work out even if you don't want to—and show up even if you're tired.

People who have low self-esteem have never been consistent in doing anything hard and keep getting stuck through failure, and proving to themselves that they’re not capable which leads to a vicious cycle of laziness and self-hatred.

Not sticking to something when you promised you will—damages your self-trust which damages your self-esteem.

Watching P*rn and Masturbation-

Despite popular ideas that watching p*rn is okay—it's not.

Let me explain.

P*rn teaches you to be weak. You can tap tap and you'll instantly get a digital harem.

No hard work. No earned effort. Yet you get to see n*ked women easily.

There's reward but no hard work. This teaches your mind to be comfortable and weak. Instead of chasing real women—you'll stay stuck chasing the next video—the next dopamine hit in a digital box.

Because approaching and getting dates is harder than watching porn.

Porn amplifies your mindset that women are godly creatures you cannot get or obtain. And as a result—you will act like all women are goddesses who is above your league and someone you can never get.

Which makes you awkward and shy around them.

(If this pissed you off you can unsubscribe below. I only talk useful advice not feel good fluff).

Mast*rabtion on the other hand steals your zest. Your life essence.

Your balls is the source of your energy. If you jack*d off and throw it away—you become lethargic.

You will get chronic low motivation and energy.

Because—your semen is life energy. It has the power to create life—it has the power to drive you to work harder in pursuit of status and women yet many people waste it.

Semen retention is a real practice. Men who glow in public situations practice this.

The charismatic ones—the confident once—and the competent guys do this.

They just don't tell you about it because if they did—many people will get angry about it and call them a fraud because most people have the losers mentality who can't listen to advice if it hurts their ego even if the said information is true and useful.

And when you find such people don't try to help them. Instead of gratitude you will receive resentment.

Now that you understand how self-esteem works and the causes that makes it lower—let's tackle how we can fix our self-esteem and confidence.

If you want to get rid of your porn addiction get: Live Intentionally: 90 Day Self-Improvement Program By Harsh Strongman. Over 10k+ sold. Spending money to commit in something is a good way to stay consistent because there’s a downside if you fail (wasted money). I always use this tactic every time I have to make something work.

How To Fix Your Self-Esteem

1) Learn The Value of Hard Work

When you work hard you earn self-respect and when you earn self-respect—you earn self-esteem.

When you earn self-esteem you get self-confidence. It's all a loop.

Once you believe you can work hard and be consistent—you will believe in yourself and it will show in your body.

Your actions and manners is all but a reflection of your self-esteem.

The way you talk to yourself and how you let other people treat you is how you view yourself.

If you want to change this—you need to believe in yourself. And to start believing in yourself—you will need to value hard work.

Because hard work teaches you to be humble. It teaches you what it's like to suffer in order to get results. It teaches you how patience works when you have to put something into work for a long time in order to get results.

A prime example is bodybuilding. Like I mentioned above. I also talked about this in the letter: Stuck in a Rut? Read this

2) Understand What You Fear and Confront It.

Sounds wishy and washy advice but what I mean is— you have to understand what it is you really fear.

No one can do this for you—because other people are not you.

Is it women? Is it men around your age? Is it your family? Is it your friend that keeps dissing you?

You got to know what you're afraid to do and take action to solve it.

• If you fear women—talk to them

• If you fear going out—go to parties

• If you fear standing out—make a public speech

Take note of the word "once". It only takes once to break a fear.

Because once that happens—the grip of fear will start to disappear.

Something that used to look scary—isn't so scary anymore.

Once you talk to the girl you like—you'll realize she's also a person and a human being not an alien that will eat you.

Once you realize most people who attend parties also have the same anxiety issues you have but hide it better—you'll start to feel more at peace.

The reason the grip of fear is so strong—is because we believe we are alone in our problems. In reality—most problems are universal.

A lot of people have social anxiety. A lot of people are lazy. And a lot of people have low self-esteem.

Like I said—people just hide it better.

Self-esteem comes from evidence.

And stacking evidence comes from confronting your fears. Once you confront a fear you will believe in yourself more an as a result for breaking that fear—you will gain self-esteem and—you will earn confidence.

It's all a loop.

Action Step:

• Journal what you fear- As always I'm an advocate for journaling. It's a way yo talk to yourself without judgements. Take out a page and write vividly and specifically what is it you fear doing then write down 3-5 examples where and when it happened.

• From your journal start to confront what you fear. Be it talking to girls. Going to parties or entering social situations. Start small—no need to do it all at once. Learn to start from the bottom. Don't listen to your ego.

• Greet people a lot. This a tip I received from a friend who was incredibly social. He told me "greeting people is a good way to start conversations and from there you can ask more related questions and make small talks longer". Very helpful tip for people who lack social skills.

That's all for this week. Have a good day!

-Noat

If you want to get to the next level check out:

• Live Intentionally: 90 Day Self-Improvement Program By Harsh Strongman. Over 10k+ sold. Get rid of your bad habits and addiction fast and build discipline in 90 days. A 90 day project which aims to help you control your urges, become more disciplined and replace bad habits with productive habits. I've specifically used the tactics described in the e-book in the past to help me work 12 hours everyday. 10k sold and over 400+ 5 star verified ratings.

• The Illimitable Men Audiobook (26.5 Hours of Narration) Learn how to become a top tier man that commands respect, understand women and never get used by other people again. In this Audiobook you will learn how to play social games and win “If you hate yourself or do not value yourself, it’s because you’ve not given yourself a reason to value yourself. We don’t just disrespect others who are low value, we disrespect ourselves for it too” a quote from the audiobook.