Most people are lonely.

They live like robots, mentally fatigue and drained.

Letting negative thoughts take over and toxic friends keeping them stuck.

Which results to envy and resentment.

Everyday you let crab mentality hold you back. You let self-devaluing thoughts win.

Digging your own grave mentally —poisoning your mind and pushing that little confidence you have.

It's heavy knowing you're becoming your worst enemy.

I spent years being lonely. I had bullies disguised as friends.

I sparked envy whenever I worked hard on something. I thought people didn't care as long as it helps them. But I was wrong.

I had the wrong mindset and chose the wrong crowd.

I was stuck in this useless validation loop I got from others. Realizing not all people would understand me changed my perspective.

I stopped caring for what others thought of me and focused on what I had to do. I had to continue saving myself even if others are going to drag me down.

In this letter we'll talk about the different reasons why your mind craves validation and how to fix it.

Why most people end up becoming their worst enemy.

In the previous letter I talked about how you can't run away from your own ambition. In this letter I'll tell you exactly the relative effect it has on your mind from external factors.

The reason most people end up hating themselves and seek validation from other people is simple.

They see their own potential on someone else. They know that they too could be a winner and a competitor if they tried.

But didn't.

• Unmanaged ambition.

• Lost motivation.

• Self-hatred.

This self-betrayal ends up creating a mental prison that perceives everything as negative.

It sees other people as enemies instead of examples to emulate.

It sparks envy and hatred. Channeled to destroy using underhanded tactics instead of fair competition.

That's why famous people have haters.

They would call them deprecating names and labels so the haters themselves could feel better.

But would trade places if given the chance.

Crab mentality keeps most people physically and mentally average.

The idea of getting something for free is invalid. You have to pay either with money, time or effort.

And most people are infected with this disease.

People don't like it when you brag about how big your accomplishments are.

They hate to see you doing better than them (some exceptions include true friends and family).

That's why being with people who uplift you instead is a must. Their energy and influence to you will help you to propel forward.

Good company is always beneficial and helpful.

Learn to see what kind of people you are associating with because energy is infectious.

1) The programming: Carrot in stick.

Ever since you were a child you were told to follow.

Do this, do that.

You were told to follow like a robot. You weren't allowed to do anything original.

You had assignments to do that were given by a teacher. You had to go to college because your parents told you.

You were always told to follow.

You weren't thought how to think but trained how to be an obedient employee.

That's why when you reach adulthood you become paralyzed every time you had to do a life changing decision.

• What career to pursue.

• What house to buy.

• Who to marry.

You come running backwards and follow what looks like the easiest path.

And when you do something that you want to do.

You're told:

• "That won't work".

• "That seems impossible".

• "That's something only great people can do".

But when you make it, they say:

• "I always believed in you".

• "I knew you could do it".

• "You were always meant to be successful".

This leads to fear of being different. Fear of being judged. Fear of standing out.

Instead of following what you need to do —you conform to other people's opinions.

Because you are afraid to be alone. Afraid that no one will understand you. Afraid no one will support you.

People are ironic. Even ourselves are ironic.

If you follow the crowd —you are doomed to be average. If you follow your path people will try to stop you even your loved ones.

My letters hurt reading but I'm here to help you. I can tell you feel good fluff but never change your life.

2) Insecurities: Inner rejection.

Everyone has insecurities.

The degree you feel bad about yourself is proportional to how aware you are from it's existence.

How you deal with what you hate about yourself is what determines the shy and confident.

Most people would rather numb themselves with fantasy and drama so they never have to do introspection.

This trait is dangerous. Never understanding who you are as a person is a recipe for mediocrity.

Never knowing what kind of person, what qualities, what achievements you want to attain is a self-fulfilling prophecy for future regret.

Your insecurities dictate most of your actions. Whether you like it or not what you believed to be true about yourself is a prerequisite to how you will act, speak and think.

This means if you think of yourself as shy, you will act, speak and think like a shy person.

Not feeling good enough about who you are as a person leads to anxiety and self- hatred.

Not only this causes you to crave validation from people who don't matter, you go out of your way to do things that are damaging to yourself.

• Self-deprecating jokes

• Negative self-talk

• Limiting labels

It's an endless loop designed to keep you stuck. The monkey part of your brain has taken control. It has thrown away logic and rationality but replaced it with emotions and feelings.

You live in a mental prison. Where you feel everyone is looking at you, judging your actions every minute, every second.

You feel as if everyone is out there to hunt you. To humiliate you in public.

Insecurities are dangerous. If not solved properly —you will lose friendships that matter and people will hate you.

Which will lead to more insecurities. It's a unending loop.

3) Perception: Internalized negative belief from bad experiences you have no control over.

I myself has gone through this multiples times.

I've been blamed even if I did nothing wrong. I was shunned when I tried to explain myside.

And this causes you to feel bad about yourself.

Even though you did nothing wrong, because everyone thinks and feels you did wrong. You will think you were wrong.

Group think is dangerous.

You must absolutely not let group think judge your internal belief. Believing something to be true about yourself because your circle of friends says so is foolish.

They can't read your mind. They can't feel your emotions. They don't know how you lived your life.

There is a fine line between being bullied and being given helpful constructive advice.

Most people would rather hate and shun you than praise your accomplishments.

They don't care about your feelings as long as they are happy with themselves.

Being a scapegoat and accepting responsibility is not the same.

Your friends having plans to undermine you is common whether they are aware or unaware of it. Because most people are pretenders. Not everyone is authentic.

In a group of friends you will always see that one guy being bullied. His so called friends will call him insulting names and jokes. And when he call it out he will be attacked with "It's just a joke".

No it's not.

It's an insult. That's why I always preach leaving toxic friends and people. They are leeches and maggots. All they do is take and take like parasites.

So what does the said person do? They self-sabotage. They do more favors and unnecessary actions in the pursuit of pleasing the company.

Which leads to what? You guessed it. Self-hatred and stronger insecurities.

Learn to understand what other people think of you is not the truth. Just because X and Y person said this and that doesn't mean it's true.

What you think about yourself is more likely to be true, unless your ego gets in the way.

But that's a different topic.

Also understand what people think about you and what you think people think about you is not the same.

Our minds are hardwired to see negativity. Most people jump to overly negative conclusions without confirming if it's true or not.

Managing your emotions and thoughts are key.

Moving on…

How to build self-esteem and stop craving validation.

As usual I'll include lists and numbers so the reading experience is smooth. (If you have any suggestions on how to structure my writing, kindly reply below. I appreciate any thought and comments).

Ok back to topic.

1) Deal with your insecurities.

I already talked about how your insecurities are holding you back but in this component I'll teach you how to be comfortable with what you hate about yourself.

Your insecurities go a long way. It can be from childhood trauma, broken friendships, negative self-belief enforced by peers or too much social media exposure.

This makes you a dysfunctional adult.

Easy tasks becomes hard. Things that are simple to do becomes complex.

Most people suffer from this. Only a few understand why.

The narrative you put inside yourself needs to be positive and enforcing. Negative beliefs has it's merit but not today.

You need to flip your mindset from "I'm so useless" to "I'm learning how to be useful".

Easier said than done but, practice is practice.

There are 2 types of thoughts.

Automatic and manual thoughts.

Most of your insecurities stem from automatic thoughts.

• "It's all my fault"

• "I always mess things up"

• "I'm a failure if I don't pass this test"

You're not aware of it. But it's there happening.

We get 80,000 thoughts per day. And most people experience 70-80% of negative thoughts.

That's 64,000 negative thoughts. It's absurd how people do self-sabotage unwillingly.

Competing with this is simple.

You take command. You take charge. You stop being a slave and become the ruler.

You force positive thoughts in yourself.

The reason you've got a lot of automatic negative thoughts is because you yourself has allowed that to happen.

You know you think negatively about yourself but you allow it to happen. You don't question if it's true or not. You just believe it because it's there.

That's wrong.

Learn to use positive manual thoughts. Learn to brainwash yourself with positivity.

You cannot live properly if your default mind is cynical and nihilistic. That's a recipe for hatred and resentment.

The key is to force positive thoughts long enough so that your automatic thoughts go from negative to positive.

I've done this plenty of times. I am hard wired for self-criticism. I tend to analyze everything. I have perfectionism and it wasn't easy to fix.

When I write my weekly letters. It peaks.

• Is my grammar alright?

• Are all my spellings correct?

• Do I use deep words or simple ones?

• Will my readers understand what I'm talking about?

You can't run away from it. You've just got to deal with it.

Here's a simple plan you can follow:

• Immediately after waking up, say 3 things you are grateful for. This can be "I'm grateful that I'm alive today", "I'm grateful for learning knowledge that changes my life", "I'm grateful from this table I'm using to write my letters". Don't make excuses and think you have nothing to be grateful for. There is always something to be happy about. You're just blind and pretending there isn't any.

• Whenever you catch yourself thinking negatively —pause, breathe deeply and ask: "Is this real or just my monkey brain talking?". This takes practice but I highly recommend doing meditation. Mindfulness helps a lot.

• Divide a paper by two. Then at the left side label it "What I'm working on to fix" write all your insecurities there. At the right side "What I'm doing to fix it" write down all the action steps you are going to do in order to get comfortable about your insecurities. You already know what to do. It's your mind that's holding you back.

It's simple but takes a long time to do. This is not one time process. It's gradual and you will not see the results immediately.

Think in terms of months and years not weeks or days.

2) Create personal achievements and credibility.

The fastest way to love yourself is to experience what it means to be important to other people.

When people rely on you —you work harder and faster. You will experience an invisible force that pushes you past your limits.

Your father has gone through this multiple times. If he doesn't work, your family will starve.

He has the burden of providing. He will do his best to make sure you get to eat 3x a day and not die from hunger.

The same principle can be applied to you.

The caveat is —you won't look for other people. You will use you —yourself as other people.

You'll be your own master and slave.

You will separate your self into two. The one in charge and the observer.

Being liked by people because of your achievements is a bonus.

What you need is to rely on yourself.

Let's break it down.

Inside you there is your lower and higher self. I've talked about this in the previous letter

Your lower self is the observer. It's the one who always judges but never does anything useful unless forced to do. A slave that only follows it's earthly desires.

Your higher self is the master. It imposes rules and policies to ensure your lower self doesn't self-destruct to the point of no return.

To build credibility, you need to force the slave to act and do better. You will use whips as punishment metaphorically to ensure your higher self is in control.

This means incentives and disincentives.

Because your lower is always winning whether you realize it or not. You need to let your higher self take charge.

This is how you build credibility and personal achievements. You do not need world class awards or Nobel prizes.

What you need is small wins.

• Going to the gym even if you don't want to.

• Studying for 15 minutes even when you only had to do 10 minutes

• Doing your assignment earlier than the deadline.

• Seeing your weight drop for 1-5lbs.

The reason you try to appeal to other people is simply because you haven't learned how to trust yourself.

You rely on other people's opinion because you've allowed yourself to distrust yourself. You anyone that is not you is credible and more knowledgeable.

This breaks slowly by winning small. If you want big wins from the get go you will suffer.

There is no other way than to build the foundation first and progress over time.

3) HOTS: Higher Order Thinking Skills.

I like to call this; The 3rd perspective thinking.

Everything in this world is made up of cause and effect.

Blaming yourself for everything that happens badly is foolish.

You must understand you are not the only person in this world. Negative self-talk has no merit if you cannot understand cause and effect.

You must only blame yourself if it makes you a better person. Blaming yourself for cringe actions or someone hating you for no reason is pointless.

You are not the problem. The way you think is the problem.

Most people are one dimensional. They cannot think outside the box. They easily believe anything that people say.

They do not ask, verify or question.

If someone famous said the "Earth is square" most people would believe it.

Critical thinking is a skill honed with experience and practice.

Earning self-esteem becomes easy when you understand the world doesn't revolve around you.

Most people don't care about you. And never will.

4) Find good people.

I keep mentioning this but most people are so blind and deaf to understand their life will become so much better if they just decided to make new friends instead of putting up with toxic people.

There is no upside to associating with someone who is disrespectful and keeps adding fire to your insecurity.

I've been there. I used to have a friend that would make insulting remarks and attacks disguised as questions.

I would be put in stressful situations I disliked. I would be reminded of my past faults and failures.

These kinds of friends makes your life worse. I've been called "pig" and "fatso" most of my life. And it was bad.

Those days were hell. I had to avoid those people or else I'd be put to shame in public. I lacked the skill to retaliate back then.

And what did I do? Self-hate and resentment. I hated myself even though I did nothing wrong.

Because some people said I was this and that —I believed it

Frequent personal attacks are a sign they are not your friends. Being blamed for small things is a bigger sign.

Your social circle must be good.

Your friends must be people that don't try to sabotage each other for no reason. Jokes and insults that are non-personal are fine from time to time.

Real friends will call you out in your mistakes even if it makes you feel bad and sh*t.

But you have no obligation to keep associating with toxic and unambitious people.

Protect your peace and energy.

It's more important.

Closing

This will take time to emulate. You will not substantially feel better immediately after applying the lessons you've learned in this letter.

But you can expect results within 3-4 weeks.

Especially dealing with your insecurities takes a long time as well as building credibility within yourself.

I hope this week's letter taught you something new.

See you next week.

Thanks,

-Noat

PS: If you've got any questions or need help feel free to ask. I’m building a community that genuinely wants each other to improve. By replying your thoughts below you also help out other members here by giving me data on what I need to write to solve your current problems. It’s a win win situation.

P. PS: Btw If you’ve found my letters helpful but need 1:1 coaching, reply below what you need help in your current situation and your expectations. I’m opening spots in the future (not free).