Being unhappy in life is easy:

• Ignore your calling

• Ignore the red flags

• Ignore the voice that tells you "this is wrong"

And guess what? Most people do.

Because of that, almost everyone is depressed.

Being miserable is something you learn after giving up on life. It's like learned helplessness.

Being unhappy is an experience where reality doesn't meet expectations and you let your feelings mess up your judgements and thinking.

Aka "emotional mindset". Happiness is a byproduct of influence, environment and mindset. The opposite is also true.

To be happy in this world full of unhappy people there are 2 things you must understand.

1) The Logical Mind

While being logical is the key to making progress—it's also the fastest way to become depressed.

A lot of things in life doesn't make sense and even if you do find out why it makes sense—you will feel powerless because you know you won't be able to do anything about it.

Like changing people—you can influence, help or persuade them all you want—but if they never decide to change, all your actions are pointless.

Logic teaches you to be practical, but our mind isn't built to be practical. It's emotional and selfish.

To be truly logical, you'll have to give up happiness and emotions because emotions get in the way of clear thinking.

So when you are about to do something and you keep weighing the pros and cons STOP.

No matter what you do there will be consequences. So whatever decision you've made you just need to push through.

What I'm saying is that—actions are inevitable. Not choosing is also choosing not to do anything.

Logic is a great way to build a business, growing an audience and looking at life more realistically however being logical 24/7 is mentally draining.

So instead of overthinking whatever situation or circumstances you are in—have faith and move forward instead.

2) What is Happiness?

This is kind of awkward to ask but anyway—what is your definition of happiness?

My definition of happiness is being able to write, spend time with my family and earn money online.

I especially feel good when traveling. Spending time with nature and going to rivers are one of my favorite ways to recharge.

For people—it could be getting married, getting a job that pays well or finally traveling to that one country you've always wanted to go to.

In other words you'll have to understand what makes you feel calm and happy.

Because when times get tough that's where you go back and recharge. Everyone has limits. No one has unlimited stress tolerance and energy.

The reason why a lot of people are so unhappy is because they don't have energy. They'll drag themselves to work, party on the weekends, and feel terrible on Monday morning.

Doing the same boring work makes our minds weak. Because being creative is something that gives humans passion and energy. When you do something you are truly happy to do—you'll have more energy and strength to keep going.

And instead of changing it around the—majority will choose to deny this truth and keep living in a delusional manner that "everything is fine" even though it's not.

4 Steps to Increase Happiness

This letter can also be titled: How to reduce stress

Anyways here's how you can be happy.

1) Friendship (How many true friends do you have?)

So many people are unhappy because they think coworkers are friends. And anyone who's nice to them is their friend. Lol.

Most people pretend and act to be someone else. The people we meet outside our family aren't themselves but a social presentation of who they are.

If you sense someone is being a fake friend—it's likely true.

Here's how you can tell if someone is a true friend:

• You can tell them your secrets and they won't tell anyone. They'll keep it private.

• They have your back when you're not around. They'll also cover for you when you make a mistake.

• Have no problems calling you out for breaking your word in a respectful manner. And get upset if you keep doing it again and again (not afraid to face you about it).

• You can trust them. They pay money back on time. They keep your stuff safe and don't touch it and they're honest people.

• Will tell you if there are issues about your friendships like dislikes and likes.

• Respects your boundaries—if crossed accidentally—they'll apologize.

• Will help you even if you've not been in contact for months or years.

• Etc…

Now let's talk about the signs of a fake friend;

• Makes you look stupid in front of everyone. Throws sensitive jokes at you often when around with other people to throw you off. And when you call them out they'll say "it's just a joke".

• Won't hesitate to cause you problems. Will come to you for help but when you ask for help—they'll turn you down.

• Keeps you around because your convenient not because you can be trusted.

• Doesn't invite you to hang out with other people.

• Flirts with your girlfriend. Will text her behind your back and (this is so common).

• Acts like an alpha when girls are around and puts you down.

• Showers you with praise but actually never put any effort.

• Incredibly unreliable.

• Gossips with you so when you say something bad about others, they can spread it around and make you look like the problem, turning other people against you.

• etc…

Just because you talk to someone everyday doesn't mean they are loyal.

A good indicator of a true friend is to occasionally test their loyalty and trust. They either fail or pass.

If you believe someone can be trusted just because they said they're a good person—you're naive.

2) Avoid Negative Influence

In my previous letters, I told you to avoid the news because it makes your life worse.

Because the news is emotionally charged information. Which triggers activity in the amygdala. The amygdala is a part of the brain responsible for processing emotions, especially fear and anxiety. When exposed to news that elicits these emotions, the amygdala can be activated, leading to a "fight-or-flight" response for no reason.

So when your fight-or-flight response gets turned on by a false alarm—it becomes normal in your life. Every day you'll feel worried and scared for no reason.

You'll always think you might die today because you'll get into an accident or you accidently eat something poisonous.

You'll also constantly worry about people you care.

Now I'd like to tell you about the effect of negative self-talk. Especially comparing yourself to others.

Negative self-talk is a pattern of negative and harsh thoughts that hurts your self-worth without you knowing it.

In other words—it's you bullying yourself non-stop everyday without realizing why.

The reason is simple. You're tired of being yourself. You don't like yourself. Because you don't like the way you are—you'd rather blame yourself than fix it.

Because blaming is easier than fixing even if the person you blame is yourself.

Phrases like:

• “I’m not good enough”

• “I always mess up”

• I don’t deserve this.”

• “I’ll never change.”

• “What’s the point?”

• “They’re better than me.”

Can become excessive and bad for your mental health.

It's expectation not being able to meet skill. You expect yourself to do well even though you clearly know you can't because your ego gets in the way.

So how does negative self-talk happens? It's a mix of outside influence and how you see things.

• Hidden Cultural Pressure: Pressure to follow certain career paths, body types, or lifestyles without asking if this is what you really want. We often mistake this pressure as a "need" to fulfill. It's like peer pressure where "everyone is doing this and I'm the only one who is not, I might be the weird one here." Like how everyone is getting girlfriends/boyfriends and you feel the need to also get a gf or bf so you can brag about to your friends even though it's not needed.

• Toxic family behaviors: You grow up thinking certain behaviors are “normal” manipulation, guilt-tripping, low self-esteem. It’s only later you realize how much it shaped your self-esteem and confidence. A common problem is living with narcissistic parents. Your life is close to hell at that point. Constant drama is made out of thin air. People blame you for no reason and you believe it's your fault even though its not.

• Poor Sleep and Eating Habits: Not getting enough sleep and eating junk food affect your decision-making, mood, and self-control, but we often treat them as small things that don't matter instead of something important. The less you sleep, the worse decisions you make because good sleep leads to a clear mind.

• Social Media Feeds: Endless comparison, anger and manufactured perfection. It hurts your attention span and it changes your view of what’s “normal” or worth wanting. Like how you see 10/10 attractive people all the time in social media that causes you to think this is normal and forget that it's rare to see perfect attractive people even when you go out and travel. So you compare you'll self even when you don't want to and feel shit about it later.

• Your Friend Group: Being around negative, lazy, or small-minded people pulls your standards down. If you’re surrounded by complainers, you’ll start complaining too without noticing. Hang out with losers and you'll soon become a loser. I see this all the time where a good kid turns into a troublemaker purely because he got exposed to bad behaviors.

3) Figure Out Your Life Task

I learned this from the book Mastery by Robert Greene. "Everyone is born with something they love and have to do in life".

Whatever it may be—the more you pursue what you are truly meant to do in life the happier you will be.

Your life task is something deeply connected to your higher self which you can always feel that it's around you somewhere but could never put into words.

It could be in the field of science, art, history, health, business or psychology:

• A new app that makes images turn into animations

• A new software that turns your ideas into a poster

• An eye glasses that makes you see through human skin (helping in surgery)

• Biological advancement in science that makes human life longer

• Historical analysis of lost ancient languages

• Making robots human like

• Writing novels or books

• etc..

If you've forgotten already. I've told you about finding meaning and purpose in life in the previous letter "What to do if you don't know what to do".

Purpose is how you keep living even if everything feels boring. The reason why a lot of people call their life boring is simple—they have nothing worth talking about or being proud of.

They have made zero contribution to their family and society. And because of that deep inside—they feel the longing to feel useful and valued.

No man is ever fine being a burden. Even if you are a troublemaker—deep inside you'll want to help and be useful too.

4) Memento Mori (remember you will die)

Practice experiencing death. Look as if you're dead or lost something or someone important to you.

Imagine seeing your Mother cook for you everyday and one day she just disappears. The kitchen lonely and empty. No yelling “son it’s time to eat!" and she isn’t in her usual spot anymore. You’ll never see her again. No yelling—no nagging no love. Nothing. No one to wait for you when you go home.

How much pain would you feel?

Then pretend she came back to life and you're alive and she’s also alive. What would've happened if things were worse?

Think about it. If your Father or Mother is still alive— do you value them?

• What would happen if they're suddenly gone?

• What would happen to you? (who will take care of you?)

• How much in your life would change if the people you care about suddenly disappears?

What if it were the reverse. If you were to die will your Father and Mother cry? Don’t be a brat and say they won’t.

No matter how much a family might say they hate each other—when you lose someone of blood—tears will come out. People only regret when things are too late. They don’t reflect and think of the consequences before it happens.

They act and later on realize how wrong they were.

I take a different approach in Memento Mori which is mostly expressed in personal terms.

I look at it in the perspective of relationships. Losing loved ones or friends is incredibly painful.

Most people are ungrateful. They take everything for granted and have the attitude of a brat. And there's a high chance you're one of them.

Being ungrateful is the biggest cause of regret not because you lost someone but because you could've valued their presence when they were still here but didn't which makes you feel immense guilt and sadness

Happiness is easy to understand. You just have to enjoy the moment and keep being thankful even if there are things you hate.

You have to appreciate the simple things in life. This is why I always preach to do gratitude journaling.

It rewires your mindset to think in positive terms instead of being a negative and energy-draining person.

In other words—the purpose of this exercise is to teach you how to appreciate. To teach you to see on the positive things at life. To make you see how good life is and get rid those negative outlooks you have.

If your life sucks—it’s probably because you don’t like your parents or don’t try to get along with them.

That's all for today.

Thanks for reading.

PS: What would you like to hear next from the Improvement Letter?

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