Miguel sucks at making friends.

He's lonely, disrespected and pushed around. He blames the world for unfair treatment and toxic friends.

He thinks personality makes him likeable. So he doesn't bother learning how to be socially competent.

He gets ignored and hated when he speaks up. People make him the perfect scapegoat every time something goes wrong.

He let's people cross his boundaries and fails to stand up for himself not realizing he's digging a deeper hole.

Most people fall into this trap.

Never knowing what it's liked to be loved and respected by other people.

They get treated as the invisible guy. ignored, hated and condemned.

Clinging to black pill ideology thinking it's better to be hated by everyone than to make friends. Or you convince yourself being a lone wolf is cool but deep down you know you want friends.

I've been the same.

I've had friends that made me look dumb in public. My achievements were criticized because I hurt their ego.

It sucked.

I felt alone and lonely —realizing all my friends were fake.

Back in high school most of my classmates ignored me. They only came to me if there's something useful I can help with.

I thought I was doomed to be that lonely guy forever. But I woke up —realizing social skills is teachable.

It's not something you are born with. it's a set of skills that you practice.

I started talking slower, built a better physique, dressed sharper and stopped making excuses.

If you are going through something similar. Read the rest of this letter. I'll tell you exactly how to make people respect you.

But first let's talk about—

5 reasons why people end up disrespecting you in the first place.

1) No boundaries: Letting everyone walk all over you

Do you know what kind of people bullies likes to target the most?

It's the guy that pretends to be ok when he is being hurt mentally and physically.

Bullying is no longer rampant as it used to be thanks to social awareness but it's now disguised as fake friends (snakes) and association with egotistical people.

The strongest type of bullying isn't physical. It's mental and psychological.

A social conditioning that most people are blind into.

A great example is toxic friends.

I've always witnessed one person in a group of friends be the scapegoat (not noticeable at first look). Whether it be a male or female.

There is always that one person that gets blamed for existing.

And that's because they always allow people to disrespect them.

When a bad behavior doesn't get punished it becomes reinforced and repetitive.

It's exactly this reason why most people end up being bullied.

That one person either puts up with it or leave and find another group of friends that appreciate them.

I call this the strongest because other people will never help you out. Unless they are your family or trusted friend.

It's common amongst bully drama. When the big bully smacks and hurts the bullied person —everyone will pretend to be doing something else instead.

It's called the bystander effect. No one wants to stand out.

But what happens if the said bullied person stands out?

2 scenarios:

• Scenario 1: The bullies bully him/her even more causing outrage or catastrophic events to happen

• Scenario 2: The bullies realize the person they're bullying is no easy target so they choose someone else instead because it's a pain to deal with.

Ok Noat but why are you talking about bullying?

Because having no boundaries is the same as having people bully you.

• Not being allowed to choose the option of saying "no".

• Being forced to do something you would normally go against.

• Demanding more from you even though you have no responsibility.

Etc…

Small and subtle.

You never notice it most of the times. And people would just brush it off thinking it's normal when it's not.

Be careful who you hang out with.

It's deadly and poisonous both to your energy and mental health.

2) Always making excuses: Not living up to your words

The easiest way to lose respect as a man is to go back against your word.

No matter how small or subtle it may be you are always being watched and judged on what you say.

And most people don't realize this. That's why they get treated like sh*t and badly around like they're not human.

In the context of social competence you must care about your reputation.

You can't control about what people think of you and you don't have to.

But the way people perceive who you are is essential as a person.

If everyone thinks they can bully you and get away with it —they will.

Whenever you make a promise to someone make sure you think about it twice and thrice.

People make the mistake of over promising and not delivering.

This causes distrust and makes people think of you as irresponsible.

Someone to ignore when important matters come up.

If you cannot maintain your word, then say it in advance. Don't continue making excuses and own up your mistake.

Denying and blaming it on someone else just makes it worse.

You destroy all positive aspect of your potential relationship with other people (friendships) and blow it away.

Own your word, live up to it and people will respect you.

3) Not being stoic: Being emotional

Showing your emotions and be vulnerable as a man is bad advice.

This makes you look weak and incompetent.

If you must cry and be vulnerable, do it with your family and trusted few friends in private but never in public.

Sharing your emotions to everyone is foolish. If you think everyone cares for you then you will be up for a lot of trouble.

The phrase "no one is coming to save you" is true. It holds a lot of merit to how you must solve your own problems.

If you cannot then you are not good enough. The other thing is when a man asks for help, that's probably his last chance to fix something.

If ever one of your male friends ask for help and it's grave —at least help. You are probably his last hope.

A man who overly reacts and shows too much emotion in public is untrustworthy. It signals low self-control and emotional management.

People pick this up and make assumptions that you are weak and incompetent.

I have said before that reading my newsletter will hurt. It will and will again and again.

Cute and good fluff advice does not work.

That is why most people stay stuck. I promised no BS and actionable advice and I'm delivering on that promise.

I'm not perfect. But the truth will always hurt no matter what you do.

Whenever you show emotions, people lose respect for you.

Society wants men to be perfect. A rock that can stand still in every challenges.

You shouldn't care what other people think of you but your reputation must stand strong.

If people think you are weak and untrustworthy, you will lose good friendships that would've allowed you to be a better man.

There's no escaping this.

Even your closest friends will judge you if you keep messing things up.

Modern society likes people to be emotional. Because that way you can be easily exploited with addictions and fed bullshit.

Emotional people are slaves.

To their mind and to the people who can trigger them.

Moving on

4) Reacting instead of responding: Impulsive behaviors

Whenever you are disrespected you may be tempted to fight back and fight fire with fire.

Don't.

The idea of impulsively acting to retaliate is bad.

This shows immaturity and people can see that.

People are always watching no matter what you do. Whether it may be in workplace or school.

Your friends and family aren't exempted.

They judge subconsciously and they know if they can push you around they will.

You can practice IDGAF (I don't give a f*ck) but your social life will suffer if you don't put things into context.

Not giving a f*ck holds merit whenever you messed up or did something cringe.

But you must be accountable for your mistake and learn from it.

It's your mind that bully you the most. Not giving a f*ck about what your mind says is what you should practice whenever it bullies you.

Not Giving A F*ck when someone is hurting you physically and verbally makes things worse.

You shouldn't fight and be violent but you must respond.

Your response must be effective. Ignore the person or de-escalate the situation.

Most people fail to understand this.

Being emotional only makes the problem worse. And when it does —people lose respect for you.

It doesn't have to be big.

A simple statement that makes you overreact or lose temper is enough signal that you lack emotional control.

People can feel and see that, whether aware or not.

5) Being irresponsible: Immature mindset.

Imagine this.

A team of 2. Nash and Jon run a business called "Leads Optimum".

They agreed on partnership to split the profits 50/50.

Jon bring in 5 clients and each worth 1$k.

Nash also bring in 5 clients and each worth is 1$K.

They get $5k each as their profit. Everyone is happy right?

Yes right now. But what happens if one becomes irresponsible?

Nash bring in 2 clients each worth $2k.

And Jon brings in 10 clients worth $2k.

Nash get $14k and Jon also gets $14k.

Not good.

Jon worked 80+ hours a week and Nash only spent 3-5 hours week getting clients and yet somehow they both get the same payroll.

What happens?

Jon gets angry and frustrated. Jon wished he didn't agree on the 50/50 split. But Jon has hopes Nash will change and do better.

Maybe it was just a bad month for him.

But 3 months pass.

Jon continues to bring in at least 10 clients per month. Nash only brings in 2-3 clients.

Jon is on his limits. He just saw how flawed their partnership was.

He calls out Nash about his behavior and how Jon is always the one putting in the most work.

Nash avoids this topic. And argues without me the business will fail either way.

Which is wrong.

Jon could just find someone better than Nash and be well off.

But Nash behaviors are toxic and arrogant.

Sooner or later Jon gets fed up and leaves. He now understands Nash is someone who is never worth doing business.

He tells other people about his experience working with Nash.

Now everyone knows Nash is untrustworthy. No one wants to do business with Nash anymore.

Nash just burnt all his opportunities.

This is more common than you think. I've seen this happen in workplaces and in universities among students.

The one who doesn't help will always be disliked.

Whether be at home or somewhere professional.

Don't be that guy. At least help as much as you can.

People respect you when they know you're doing your best to help.

Now that were done with learning what makes people disrespect you in the first place.

Let's now move on to how you can earn other people's respect.

The 3 C's of social skills.

Getting people to respect you is a broad topic. But I'll narrow this down by using Charisma, Character and Competence.

Alright buckle in. This'll take time for you to digest well.

1) Charisma: What makes people magnetic

Confidence is not the same as charisma.

A confident person can still be hated and disliked by people.

But charisma is different. It's magnetic and pulls people towards you.

It gives a feeling of comfort and security. It lowers people animosity towards you and adore you instead.

It's made up of 3 things.

Humility, positivity and strong body language.

People hate the arrogant.

People dislike it the most when you flaunt about how good and better you are compared to other people.

Even if it's innocent or a celebration —most people are insecure. They hate it when someone else is better than them.

That's why successful people who don't flaunt are loved.

Think of Keanu Reeves.

The man is world class famous. Yet people respect him to the point he can ride transportation in public and not get overrun by fans.

Why?

Humility.

Have you ever seen Keanu Reeves flaunt about his money? None. Ever say him say hurtful and negative things? None.

He is humble enough to remember that he is the same as everyone else. A human.

And he doesn't get egotistical and become complacent.

The result is respect.

The next one is positivity. Most people are negative.

Just by being positive you already become different. You aren't like the masses that's sad and depressed.

People dislike negativity even if they themselves are negative.

People are drawn to the happy. Some appreciate it and some want to take it away.

This gets you noticed. Both good and bad.

People wonder what's different about you and other people.

How come you are happy while most people are sad. If you do well this will result to respect. If not then you suffer.

Moving on.

Strong body language is authoritative.

Standing tall, proper posture, looking at other people's eye is command.

It signals high responsibility and credibility.

People pick up these non-verbal cues. They can see what kind of person you are inside.

Even if they themselves have not done any deep introspection.

People instinctively decide whether to respect you or not.

If you look down, and can't hold eye contact. The brain unconsciously thinks you don't respect yourself.

People pick this up subconsciously and will treat you like so.

If it is confirmed unconsciously then the same behavior will be reinforced.

It's deep and nuance. It's too complex to explain it in one letter.

People pick it up. People know how you exude, act and behave with your body is how you are inside your mind.

Even if they aren't educated on the topic. Instinct prevails when something illogical cannot be explained.

2) Character: Who you are when no one is watching.

The strongest test of character is who you are inside when no one is watching.

Because what you do when no one is looking is also the same as what you do when everyone is watching.

People do not realize this, your body moves unconsciously. It acts in ways you cannot control.

And this is best experienced when you are alone.

You may be mature in public but you can be childish in private.

Simple little things that people don't see s what determines if you deserve respect or not.

• Do you take care of your parents?

• Do you make sure you say thank you and goodbye?

• Do you disrespect public servants like the waiter or waitress?

If you want good friends. Make sure you understand this well.

Most people are fake.

They don't show who they truly are. Most pretend to be nice even though they aren't.

And it's in the most subtle ways you can determine if someone is worth associating to.

I had a friend who I thought was a good person but was a bully.

• Insults disguised as questions

• Dismissing feelings and saying "it's just a joke"

• Making other people feel small from their achievements

I only realized it now that I am older. This used to be back when I was young and didn't know better.

These kinds of people do not deserve respect.

They lack value and wisdom.

Some of them grow up and do better because they realize what they've done is wrong and became aware of how they adopted this kind of behavior from their friends.

Bust most of them don't.

Avoid them. They are bitter and will make your life hell.

And make sure you are the opposite.

3) Competence: What makes people look up to you.

People respect those who've achieved something significant.

Even haters look up to the person they hate because of how good they are.

They won't admit it but deep down they understand they wish to be someone like that.

Competence signals strength, credibility, skill, hard work and effort.

Effort done in private but is celebrated in public by awards and trophies gains respect.

You are always judged by how useful you are. If the group decides and thinks you are not worth it — then you will be treated like a second option.

You cannot escape this. If you want people to treat you better then make them depend on you.

Let them know things mess up when you're not around. Most people take things for granted.

If they take you for granted and think it's alright to lose you —then no one will respect you.

Respect is earned when people realize things go badly without your presence.

Think of a country without a military. Do you think the citizens living there it's safe?

No.

But what if you have the strongest military in the world? Will other countries attack you? No.

Competence is earning respect through the sheer force of how credible and skilled you are.

Become so good people can't ignore you.

But make sure the people you provide value to people who also provide value to you.

Otherwise a one way street of value exchange is parasitic. Except raising a family.

In my life, I have only experience what its like to be respected and when I had meaningful contributions.

I realized people respect the scarce and treat the common as useless.

If you want people to never disrespect you and respect you as a person.

Let them know your worth. Let them understand you will not settle for less.

Make it known that you have strong skills but never flaunt it. Let your results do the talking instead. It's more powerful that way

Action step.

The skills I've mentioned take years to cultivate. Just because you've read it doesn't mean you've lived it.

But I'd like to give you a simple framework you can use to start developing the skills we've talked about.

• Practice humility. There is magnetic charm to the capable yet humble. Accept praises but never let them feed your ego.

• Always stand tall and look at people's eye. When you speak, take frequent pauses and pronounce the words slowly.

• Write down what values a good Father has. Then follow that daily.

• Practice stress management. Because life is stressful and the best way to perform is taking care of stress properly (I talked about this in the previous letters).

• Think in other people's shoes. This is the best way to understand people you have difficulty dealing with.

I hope this letter helps you out.

I recommend going back to this letter frequently and scan it to freshen your memories.

Thanks and see you next week.

-Noat

PS: If you liked this letter let me know. Or send me any questions you have, I'll gladly reply.

P. PS: Share this with a few friends you think might find it useful.